The Prelationship


People of the world tend to enter into multiple relationships with different partners desperately trying to find love; hoping to finally get it right and settle down, to finally love and be loved. Some get it right, most don’t. This however should not be so for Christians. However I’m no expert, this is purely advice.

Truthfully, you don’t have to get into multiple relationships to get it right. Relationships should not be trial by error, it’s not like hitting the lottery and hoping it’s your lucky day. I believe if we would harken to The Lord’s guidance more, it wouldn’t be so higgledy-piggledy.

On the other hand, a Prelationship can be helpful. Now a Prelationship is just simply the relationship before the potential relationship. It is where friendship and relationship meet. A time of assessment. It is basically friendship, but a friendship where romantic feelings have been made known.

Normally when one meets an exciting new person we really like, we become attached and conclude that we’re ‘in love’, even if only after a couple of weeks. This is purely human. However, rather than rush into a relationship, let us rather get to really know these people first. This can only happen by spending quality time. You don’t get to know a person fully by chatting or through phone calls, or even via Skype. Physical interaction is of utmost importance. You get a chance to see how a person reacts to situations and people when you’re out in public with them. Everyone is on their best behavior when interacting with a potential spouse, however true character comes out when dealing with people of little importance.

To do a thorough job of really getting to know someone and assessing the congeniality of a potential union, a prelationship should take from 6 months and beyond. A large part depends on how much time you get to spend time together. Frequently, at least once a week is expedient. This is sort of a test. If you can hang out with someone for 6 months having declared likeness for each other with little or no skirmishes, a relationship would be an easy deal. Spending time together cannot be over stressed, it should be frequent. However, all things should be done in moderation. I’m sure if I spend time with a bucket constantly for 6 months I’d fall in love with that bucket.

Some might argue that getting involved in multiple relationships isn’t so bad, provided one maintains purity. However it is not wise to protect the body from punches while leaving the heart open to missile strikes. Scripture tells you to “Guard your heart with all diligence because out of it are issues of life”. If then our feeble little hearts are so precious, why give it freely to strangers? For this reason we have to device a way to test anyone who wants a place in our hearts in order to be fully convinced in entering into a relationship. No matter how talented and skilled a footballer is, if he does woefully in training he’ll never get picked to play in official matches, he must prove to the coach that he is worthy of selection, the same goes for relationships. Just as marriage doesn’t make relationships better, relationships don’t make friendships better. Issues unresolved at the nascent stage just might remain unresolved. When the Prelationship is smooth, there will be a seamless transition into a relationship/courtship.

I believe what a hasty relationship does is bring extra pressure. If you start dating a person a month after meeting them, as much as you want to argue you don’t know them! Hence, you cannot be totally comfortable around them. For example, when you go on the first date as a couple, you’re under pressure to impress, so you wear the best outfit in your wardrobe and you’re on your absolutely best behavior. Great, but the disadvantage is this, the more you get comfortable around them the lesser you feel you have to impress. This is the complete opposite of a prelationship, because the first few times you hang out you go looking very normal. Even during the prelationship you keep it moderate, but as the love gets stronger you tend to want to impress more and more.

Let us not rush God and ourselves any longer, let’s not spend a few weeks, or even months to pick a life partner. Still let God guide you in all things. Some might get their partners through very clear visions, others may have to pick and stand in faith that it is Gods will. Take for example the apostles in Acts 1; When they sought to replace Judas, they casted lots and prayed that whoever the lots fell on will be the person God wanted. It must have taken a lot of faith, accompanied by works. They could have prayed and told God that they wouldn’t pick anyone till Jesus himself calls the persons name which might have taken a lot longer than it did, nevertheless it would have been more assuring. There are different methods to making decisions, even marriage partners. The KEY thing is to involve God all the way. He is not a wicked God, He sees our hearts and would never let us go astray. If the lot casting method is not for you, He will clearly tell you. Let the Holy Spirit only guide you.

Again, this is not a bible teaching like the previous messages, it’s human advice. Nevertheless I know that God speaks through my exhortations also, and just like the apostle Paul “I think also that I have the Spirit of God”.

A relationship with man without one first with God is a sinking ship. But even on a sunken ship, with Christ you can walk on water. Bring Jesus into your life today and make him captain over your love boat. Visit our Salvation Page now!


5 thoughts on “The Prelationship

  1. Awwww!the ‘Guard your heart with all diligence…’ bit made me think of Chaz B..Words on marble, Dayo!👌

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